I think the worst of all this. The three plus years of craziness....is the pain that I truly feel when I sit down and watch a movie and he's not here. That I feel like every time I talk to much, or say too little, I'm being punished for being away from him and that everything is my fault and I just have nothing to show for all this pain, aggravation, and frustration but a room in my parents house, a paper that contributes to a lot of work, and a piece of paper to hang on a wall in a place that I don't know if I want to go, or have any interest in being at when I'm there.
The one thing that has me looking up? The weather. Perhaps it's just that it has rained for close to a month here. Perhaps it's just the stress, or the crazy wonderful schmultzy movie that I watched tonight. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of trying to live up to these crazy weird expectations that people have of how you're supposed to be, what you're supposed to it.
Here's the reality of the situation. I don't like some of my family. I don't like being put on this ideal of what I should or shouldn't be. I miss being able to be me. I am so tired of being labeled this crazy like. I am so tired of being told how to be instead of people just enjoying what I am.
Perhaps I'm just tired.
Much love and forever yours,