Sunday, November 3, 2013

A thought

You know I sit in bed a lot. Like...a lot. At first, I thought that I was depressed because I had moved away from my family and everything I know. Then, I thought it was because of my nearly constant leg pain. Did I ever tell you about that?  It is something that I've dealt with so long. It's something that makes it hard to work, hard to commute, hard to live. It makes it hard for me to understand people, hard for people to understand me.  It wasn't always like this. Like I used to try so hard at work. It was something that was so important to me. Something so necessary.  Now, I just haven't.  At first I was mad for what happened this summer, for the pain of betrayal that I felt.   Then, I thought I  felt like I had been centered upon, the next person to make feel bad.

Well, I'm over it.  They can try and make me feel bad. Frankly, they might even accomplish it. They can compare me to my younger counterparts, and you know what I might not come out on top. That's ok.  It happens at work, it happens at home.

That's life.  I'm kind of done.  My leg has always given me this push. Just do your best. Somedays, you're not going to be able to do your best. Sometimes you'll only be sub-par. I'm going to call that October.   I'm through. My circumstances being what they are, I can't change my stars quite yet. It doesn't mean I can't work on it. It just means I can't change my stars quite yet.

We're in the works though. Changing the stars is definitely in the works, and I have hope. I'll walk in with a better attitude, with a sentimental happiness that I have once missed.

Missing you more than anything-

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